Reposted from Facebook.
Inspired by Jessica.
During my last semester of college I was a juggler and a clown in a circus. I almost didn’t graduate because I spent so much time at rehearsals.
I also almost didn’t graduate because I took too many math credits and couldn’t count them all towards my total needed to graduate. A last minute independent project saved me.
I failed (technically I received an NE) the only Computer Science course I took in college because I didn’t turn in every homework assignment, even though I had gotten 100% on every exam and all the assignments that I did turn in.
3a. Let’s just say that I think it’s appropriate that the professor’s name was Koch, pronounced with a hard ‘k’ at the end.
I’m only half joking when I say I want to name our daughter Kristina Earlina Markel, Jr.
I know from experience that having “Juggler and Clown in a Circus” on your resume is a great way to get interviews.
I first flirted with my wife by showing her a magic trick and playing a “survival of the fittest” game that I made up with animal crackers.
I subsequently stood her up when we were supposed to go to a gay strip club with a bunch of friends. (I swear I am not making this up. We had a mutual friend who was “performing”.)
Before I tell any joke I repeat it in my head 10 times.
For a while I had a mullet in high school.
I hope to never live more than five blocks from a grocery store. Maybe four.
10a. I currently live 1.5 blocks from the nearest grocery store, a Trader Joe’s.
I lived in Paris for six months and managed to never speak any French.
I have a tiny third earlobe tucked behind my right ear.
I think that the minivan is the pinnacle of modern automotive engineering, especially the ones made by Toyota and Honda.
I’m listed as an inventor on patent 7,383,512.
The Muppet Movie makes me cry.
If you see someone with the username “HeroicAutobot” on a website, it’s probably me.
I’ve had two cavities filled without using any anesthetic. I highly recommend it.
The summer before 8th grade I had to have seven teeth pulled prior to getting braces. One was a adult tooth that was still buried in my gum.
There is no question in my mind as to which joke is the world’s funniest.
19a. A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender looks at him and says, “Did you know there’s a steering wheel sticking out of your pants?” The pirate replies, “Aye. It’s drivin’ me nuts!”
19b. Yes, I repeated that joke to myself 10 times before typing it out.
I used to believe that an Oxford comma was always necessary, but my stance is softening.
20a. Today I learned something new about Nelson Mandela.
My name appears in the credits of a video game you have almost certainly never played.
In Paris, if you walk down the street with a smile on your face, people will think you’re “simple” and possibly dangerous. Thinking about this always makes me smile, especially if I’m walking down the street in Paris.
I really believe that most people have one or more super powers. For example, I can pretty much make anyone laugh at any time.
23a. It helps that I know the world’s funniest joke.
I can turn off my tickle reflex, making it impossible to tickle me.
After college, I briefly printed and distributed my own ‘zine. I’m pretty sure all copies have been lost or destroyed.
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